The universe has a vendetta against people holding ice cream cones during stressful moments.

Science will tell you it's about ambient temperature and the heat from your hands and maybe something about viscosity ratios. But that's boring and probably a cover-up for the real truth. The real truth is that ice cream has a built-in stress detector and the second it senses your cortisol levels spiking, it goes into hyperdrive melt mode.

You've seen it happen. One minute you're holding a beautiful swirl of mint chocolate chip, feeling pretty good about your life choices. Then your phone buzzes with an email from your boss or your kid starts screaming about wanting the blue spoon not the red spoon and suddenly your ice cream transforms into a sticky waterfall racing down your hand faster than you can lick.

Meanwhile that same ice cream will sit perfectly still in the cone of some zen meditation instructor who probably doesn't even want it. Just mocking you with its structural integrity while yours turns into soup.

The universe loves this game. It's like watching someone try to eat soup on a roller coaster. Completely unnecessary chaos added to an already complicated situation. Your blood pressure goes up and somehow the laws of physics get meaner. Temperature stays exactly the same but that cone is going down like the Titanic.

Here's the thing though. Coffee doesn't play these games. Coffee stays hot when you need it hot. Coffee doesn't judge your stress levels and decide to become more difficult. Coffee just sits there being dependable and delicious while you sort out whatever nonsense is happening around you.

Is this series enough sarcasm and weird theories to keep things interesting without getting all political and preachy? “Are you not entertained?”

Drop me a line at john@desboroughgroup.com and let me know. I’ll read them all and laugh/weep over what you tell me.

Seriously, though, give any feedback you want along the way. It always helps.

des