Dracula wasn't scared of sunlight because of some ancient curse or supernatural weakness.
The guy just hadn't had his morning coffee yet.
Seriously, think about the timeline here. The vampire legend comes from a time before alarm clocks, before corner coffee shops, before anyone invented a decent espresso machine. These folks were supposed to wake up at sunset after sleeping all day in a coffin (which sounds uncomfortable already), and then immediately be charming and sociable? Without caffeine?
No wonder they were biting people. That's honestly showing remarkable restraint.
The whole garlic thing makes sense too. Ever smell garlic when you're already cranky and haven't eaten? Everything becomes offensive. Crosses? Probably just overstimulating to someone who desperately needs a dark quiet room and a strong brew. Holy water? Just more liquid that isn't coffee, which feels like a personal attack.
Even the whole "I vant to suck your blood" accent sounds exactly like someone who can't form proper sentences before their first cup. We've all been there on a Monday morning, mumbling incomprehensible sounds at coworkers who dare speak to us before 9am.
The vampires weren't monsters. They were just running on empty without access to decent coffee beans. Honestly, if someone trapped you in a coffin for eight hours and then expected you to be functional without your usual morning routine, you'd probably hiss at sunlight too.
Maybe we should be less afraid of vampires and more sympathetic. They were dealing with eternal life AND eternal mornings without proper coffee infrastructure. That's the real horror story.
If you understand the vampire struggle because mornings feel like a personal attack until you've had your coffee, we get it.
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Roaster/Cafe Notes:
level ground Coffee Roasters (https://levelground.com/ )
Victoria, BC
In their own words: “We started roasting coffee after-hours with a borrowed roaster in batches of 4lb coffee in Victoria, BC. Our first farmer partnership was with a co-op in Colombia and since then, we have worked with over 5,000 farmers across seven countries.
We source high quality beans from organic and fair trade small-scale farmers. At Level Ground, we love the planet everyday. Our patented roasting tech radically reduces emissions and we use 13 streams of recycling and composting, keeping us landfill free for over 20 years!”
I personally like the Ethiopian coffee from level ground as my Sunday morning recovery beverage.
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Join the other humans who refuse to be functional before caffeine.
Cheers
des